DALE MARIE GOLDEN always gets her man. No, this isn’t a tale of love in the hills — it’s a crime story. Our heroine is a senior executive at Montclair’s Wells Fargo Bank and her motto is none other than “not on my watch.” So in comes a guy trying to cash a stolen $5,000 check the other day. The man made the mistake of calling, first, claiming to be a relative of the customer. Our Ms Golden knew something was amiss so she called local beat cops Felicia Aisthorpe and Johnna Watson.
Aisthorpe had her squad car and Watson came by motorcycle with a backup patrol.
“We’re here for you, Dale,” they proclaimed as they rounded up the suspect and shoved him into the black and white. And this is where the story gets good.
The partner comes up to the police car and asks how long his pal is going to be.
“What’s your name?” the officers ask, and he tells them. They run a check and he has a rap sheet that reads like a book. “Apparently these guys were part of a pretty big fraud ring,” says Golden, “and we broke it up.” These three women are like the Mod Squad — kicking butts and taking names. I guess it’s all in a day’s work.

E-MAIL BAG: In the wake of last week’s piece on veteran KSFO/KYA radio personality Gene Nelson, Ben Bruening writes: “I was 15 when I first discovered Gene and 30 when the new owners came in and he left the air (in the mid-’90s) I can’t explain to those who never heard him (my wife, for example) what he did that made him special. You had to hear him talk about the “Little Missus” and “little nippers” and where they had dinner last night and what movie they had seen to appreciate him.” Thanks, Ben, for the memories.

WARM HEART: Reader Bob Anderson had a sweet experience in Montclair the other day. He was shopping for gifts to bring 19 girls in an orphanage near where his wife, Edna Mitchell, is working in Kabul, Afghanistan. “The things I looked at for the older girls (12 to 15) were inappropriately sexy for Muslims,” he writes, adding he was worn out and discouraged when he finally stopped at Annie’s Hallmark in Montclair. Not only did owner Mohammed Khatib pick out 20 beautiful origami kits, he insisted that they be his gift to the girls. “Montclair is indeed a special place,” says Anderson, “and it’s people like Mohammed who make it so.”

TOSSING TOXINS: If you’ve got an old mercury thermometer around the house, it’s time to bag it up and take it to church. From 11 a.m. until noon on Sunday, March 27, the Montclair Presbyterian Church Eco-Stewards will give any Alameda County resident a brand new digital thermometer in exchange for their used mercury thermometer. And how dangerous are mercury thermometers? Just 400 of them could potentially contaminate 2.5 billion gallons of water. Save The Bay and the East Bay Municipal Utility District are co-sponsoring this drive and Pat Schwinn has more information at 339-2669. By the way, the Eco-stewards also collect old batteries and fluorescent light bulbs each week.

THINK GREEN: If you like home tours, then check out this spring’s “Build It Green Home Tour”. Reader Larry Hayden (owner of Federal Building Co.) says up to 30 “environmentally friendly” houses will be showcased in Alameda and Contra Costa counties on May 1. Sign up for the tour and you can see everything from super efficient solar homes to healthy homes with low toxicity. For more information, check the Web site.

APPARENTLY I don’t get out enough. For years, I have known about the eclectic cuisine on College Avenue but have ignored its siren calls. I’ve lived in an oyster, having rarely experienced the pearl. All that changed when I walked in the doors of a charming trattoria called Locanda Olmo. I was greeted warmly by a couple with a passion for food and a yearning to share it.
Charlotte Oculisti took us upstairs to an intimate place that her husband, Leonardo, had spent weeks creating. Rich earth tones and a vineyard motif gave it the feel of a Tuscan villa as we breathed in the sensuous smells of toasted bruschetta and rich herb risotto. Like most family-run restaurants in Italy, Charlotte was our server, running up and down stairs with the flair of a dancer. In fact, dancing was her profession in Italy, and she spent many a night in the spotlight, even dancing on stage during a Prince concert.
But these days, stardom is the last thing on her mind. Charlotte’s life is rich enough with the success she enjoys in the restaurant and as the mother of two young boys. Not to be outdone by mom and dad, the kids have boundless energy of their own and thrive on simple things like shopping for produce and darting in and out of the kitchen. And the love of family spills over to the customers who dine here.
Yes, we are blessed to be living in one of the culinary capitals of the world. Our restaurants are second to none. And while some people only dream of going to Tuscany, we can find it just minutes away, at Locanda Olmo, on College at Ashby in Berkeley.

ANOTHER TREASURE: Not long ago, a reader told me about Lucciola Children’s Bookstore on Piedmont Avenue. Lucciola means firefly in Italian and the shop is as illuminating as its name. Run by three women from Argentina, Lucciola celebrates culture from around the world with children’s books in several languages, including Spanish and Italian. But it’s not just for reading material.
The women also teach Spanish to customers as young as 2, with weekly sessions.
“We teach by singing and talking and dancing and reading to the children,” says Rosanna Sosa Payne, who does the bookkeeping for the shop while her partners Ines Tisker and Laura Juarez teach the classes.
The inspiration, she says, is the service they want to provide to their community.
“When we were raising our kids we tried to buy books and teach them our language,” she says, “but it was so hard finding books (Spanish) in the big stores.” So this is their way of giving back, of sharing the spirit of children from all cultures who call the East Bay their home. For more information on Spanish classes and books, call 652-6655 or see their Web site at www.Lucciolabooks.com.

EMAIL BAG: Reader Therese Brewitz wants to invite everyone to her upcoming show at the Montclair Women’s Cultural Arts Club (across from the library). Her five-piece band, Implied Five, is playing a concert at 9 p.m. Monday, March 21.
Brewitz is Swedish and says her band actually plays Swedish rap, as well as some smoky jazz and surf pop. Radio legend Scoop Nisker of KFOG is the host and the show is a bargain for just five bucks.

SPEAKING OF LEGENDS: Call this a blast from the past. Mark Abboud, a young guy who works at both Montclair Antiques and Montclair Hardware, showed me an old radio station album the other day from the 1960s. KYA’s 21 Golden Gate Greats had the top picks from some of San Francisco’s legendary disc jockeys like Gene Nelson and Russ Syracuse. Abboud snagged the album after someone brought it into the antique shop. Since I grew up with these songs (“Hang on Sloopy” by the McCoys and “Along Comes Mary” by the Association, to name a few) and later worked with Nelson and Syracuse at KYA –I guess that makes me an “oldie” too. An oldie, but a goodie.

What’s a birthday party without a clown? That’s probably what director Julie Jones was thinking when she planned the party for Oakland’s Ascension Senior Center. She picked, perhaps, the Bay Area’s most famous clown to entertain her group – the cosmic cut-up Wavy Gravy. “I’m an activist clown and a frozen dessert,” Wavy laughed, referring to the ice-cream flavor that bears his name. But he’s also something else. A trooper. Despite 7 back surgeries that left him clearly in pain, he showed up to entertain the crowd last week. Looking out over a sea of gray hair, he told a few jokes and then laid himself down on a bed he’d brought into the room. And why was it so important for him to show up for the 26th anniversary? You’ve probably heard, the Senior Center is in danger of losing is funding. It’s fate, like that of other Adult Education programs, is tied to state funding for the Oakland Schools. Jones says she’s doing everything she can to keep her center alive, since it serves hundreds of hills seniors with lunch and dozens of activities each week. She sees Wavy Gravy as one person who can bring attention to her plight.

Building Facelift: It seems like just yesterday that Albertons opened in Montclair, but already the store is getting a facelift. A 17 week remodeling project started this week, that will add another aisle of frozen foods and pump up the produce department (with more organic fruits and vegetables). The final touch will be new paint through-out.

Column Comments: My column on crime (February 25th) prompted reader John Marquette to ask why Oakland Police don’t cut down on their paperwork by using voice recorders? He knows of a police department in Ohio where patrols use voice recorders and have civilians transcribe their notes, freeing up manpower. With that system in place, maybe John would have gotten a better response when he reported 2 vehicle vandalisms on his street (Clemens Road) last month. “Every police number I called had either been disconnected or no-one answered,” he says. John’s wife finally got a live person to mail out a crime report form. But police were apparently too busy to come out and take fingerprints off the rock that was used to smash the car windows.
Meanwhile, reader Nick Solli sees a solution for a different kind of manpower crunch – at the local libraries. “When I went to the Oakland Animal Shelter recently, I saw they had a lot of volunteers,” Nick says, wondering why the Montclair Library couldn’t have volunteers supplement their staff. He says he would help out, and thinks a lot of other folks, especially retirees, would offer their services too.

Shop Talk: Wheels of Justice in Montclair just finished up an 8 week internship with 2 middle school kids from the Canyon School. The boys learned everything from tagging merchandise to changing a flat tire in their ninety minute sessions each Wednesday afternoon. While working in a bike shop was fun, the guys may have been “trumped” by their classmates who landed the internship at Chez Panisse. They got to taste that great food each week.

Punny Plate: The Volkswagen Beetle is the cutest counter culture car I’ve ever seen. So it caught my eye when I spotted a lime green bug, last week, with the personalized plate HIP PEA.
All it needed was that popular bumper sticker “Imagine Whirled Peas”.

THIS IS a column about nothing. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty to say, but none of it’s really important. For instance, did you know there’s self-checkout at Albertsons in Montclair? When I was a kid, I fantasized about being a grocery store checker. Now, I can do the job any time I like. I can check myself out day and night. And speaking of Albertsons, they’ve got the cheapest lunch in town, now, with their parking lot barbecues. For a buck, you can take two chicken legs to the park and have yourself a picnic. Add a wing and you’re really living.

SPEAKING OF FOOD: KCBS radio did a piece on Grinders in Montclair recently comparing the sandwich shop to that famous eatery in New York featured in Seinfeld’s “Soup Nazi” episode. Anyone who goes to Grinders knows the subs are tasty and the service is no nonsense. In other words, know what you want before you get up to the counter.
Meanwhile, have you noticed the turnover in shops in Montclair lately? Rent is the reason that many store owners say they can’t stay. Finer Things would still be open today if the landlord had agreed to a plan that merchant Toni Murphy had worked out to share her space with Maurine Marie from the Malt Shop. Still, Murphy was lucky. She got an offer on her house just as she was shutting down shop and now she’s off to Pacific Grove.
These are just my observations as I walk around town. They won’t make the headlines, but they’re interesting, nonetheless. A column about nothing. Maybe it will catch on.
TASTY TRIP: One of the most popular field trips for local students is to Semifreddi’s Factory in Emeryville. Two of the owners of the popular bakery, Nancy and Mike Rose, have children at Montclair Elementary School, and offer interesting tours that are capped off with a free bag of bread for each visitor. Happy 20th anniversary to Semifreddi’s — a great local company with wonderful bread.

E-MAIL BAG: Regarding my Feb. 18 column on Oakland police issuing tickets to Montclair motorists, reader Toni Walchek writes: “It’s nice to have a beat officer in Montclair. However, you and your readers should be aware that Felicia Aisthorpe has written up people (me included) for ‘illegal’ U-turns at intersections.”
Walchek says that according to the California Driver Handbook, U-turns in business districts are permitted at intersections. I looked this up and thought the wording was ambiguous. But appealing a ticket or dealing with the DMV can be so frustrating, I think I’d skip the U-turn all together.

THINK SUMMER: Anyone with kids knows it’s already time to think about summer camps. But with all kinds of options, how do you know what’s out there? On March 13, almost 100 summer camps and programs will be set up at Oakland’s Scottish Rite Center for the annual Children’s Summer Programs Information Fair. From preschool to high school, your kids are covered at this one stop shop. It’s free, so get there early — close to 2,000 people are expected to attend. For more information, call 510-287-9855.

HAUNTED OAKLAND: I just love a good ghost tale, don’t you? So I thought I’d share a Web site that tracks spooky stories around the country and here at home that details dozens of haunted places, including Mills College, where a shadowy ghost carriage travels the road behind two dormitories. Oakland’s Holmes Book Co. has a “spirited character” who reportedly throws books around. Our city’s SPCA has a friendly specter who weeds the grounds around the pet crematory. And even Joaquin Miller Park has a resident wraith – the ghost of a woman who was hit by a truck as she crossed the road one foggy night. I get chills just thinking about it.