THERE’S A SILVER LINING to everything in life. Take air travel. I’ve flown twice since the FAA banned liquids on planes. The security lines have been shorter than ever. With everybody checking their bags now, you can breeze to the gate in record time without tripping over a zillion and one rolling suitcases. And once on the plane, you can almost take a nap in the overhead bin — it’s that empty. Now if they’d just give out toiletries with those little packs of peanuts — flying could actually be civilized again.

HAPPY TRAILS: Matt Tinonga is leaving Montclair for the toasty Central Valley. After 14 years as the owner of Montclair Village Wines, he’s selling his business to move to Clovis.

“It’s been a great ride,” he says, “but it’s time to start a new chapter in my life.”

Tinonga and his wife are leaving his childhood home of Oakland to be closer to their grandchildren.

“The decision was agonizing,” he admitted, but after losing his sister last year, he wanted to spend more time with his family. Tinonga says he’ll miss Montclair — especially the friends and customers he grew to love over the years. Good luck, Matt. It’s time to enjoy the fruits of your labor.

CRIME BEAT: Criminal activity is on the rise in Montclair. Even the highest streets in the hills, which typically see fewer thefts and assaults, are being hit. Police say a car was stolen from Manzanita Drive this past weekend, and abandoned at the Montclair Safeway. Minutes earlier, thieves had broken into another car on the street, but took off when they triggered the alarm. Officers say the best way to protect your vehicle is to buy an alarm system, and — when possible — keep your vehicle in the garage when not in use.

BIRD MAN: Glenview bird sculptor Wheatley Allen is waiting for a call from the big guy in Sacramento. He’s got a proposal in to Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger to create a bronze bird as an annual environmental award. Allen’s sculptures are well known in political circles. Presidents Bill Clinton, George Bush senior, Ronald Reagan and Jimmy Carter all commissioned his work when they were in office. But selling Schwarzenegger a bird could be quite a lofty goal. He seems more like a wild boar or water buffalo guy to me.

TASTY TIDBITS: The old Cesare’s Restaurant in Woodminster is getting a new lease on life. In fact, a Montclair couple has bought the venerable dinner house and is turning it into a Spanish/Italian eatery called Del Navio. Tedro Navio is from Spain and his family has been in the restaurant business since he was knee high. His wife, Marion, is from Italy and has all kinds of family recipes she wants to share.

“We want people to feel comfortable, like they just left my grandmother’s table,” she says. But comfort food isn’t the only thing on the menu. Look for a sports bar, of sorts, with two flat screen TVs and outdoor seating — complete with a dog friendly deck

TAXI TRAUMA: Next time you call a cab, you may want to have a back up plan. Reader Linda Stoneall says she’s had terrible luck trying to get a taxi to take her from her hills house to the village and back. And it hasn’t been just one company that’s left her stranded, but several of the big ones that you see in the Yellow Pages. The last time she was stiffed may have been the last straw. With a cast on her leg, (she’d gone to Montclair for physical therapy) Stoneall was forced to hobble up the trail along Shepherd Canyon Road until someone gave her a ride.

“If I didn’t have friends,” she says, “I don’t know what I’d do.”

KITTY MUNTZEL HAS one of those jobs that would make a mother proud. For the past 17 years, she’s been sewing costumes for the Berkeley Repertory Theatre. The job of a draper means Muntzel spends hours each day measuring actresses, cutting patterns and altering costumes.

“It takes us six weeks to build a show,” she says, “from the time we get our sketches to opening night.”

And she’s not the only one at the Rep who paid attention to her high school Home Economics teacher. The costume shop is teaming with tailors and seamstresses and other artisans who handle everything from wigs to makeup.

“We do have a wonderful costume shop with a dozen dress forms, industrial sewing machines, overlocks and industrial irons,” says Muntzel, who feels at this point in her career, it’s important to pass on her knowledge. So when she’s not working, she’s teaching young girls to sew in her Laurel District home. It’s a timeless craft that seems to be making a comeback. And for women like Muntzel, it’s a ticket to a fascinating career.

HEAVENLY TRANSACTION: Rumors have been flying about the future of the recently vacated Montclair United Methodist Church. The building at Snake and Mountain is in escrow and the neighbors are hearing buzz about heavy demolition.

“Not true!” says listing Realtor Steve Moyer, an Oakland native who regularly handles the sale of churches. “We worked with many, many people who wanted to tear down the building,” he admits, “but the numbers just didn’t pencil for those types of developers — it’s too expensive to buy the property, raise it and build something new.”

Moyer says he’ll reveal the new owner and their plans (which include keeping the church sanctuary but modifying parts of the building) as soon as he can. And that’s the gospel truth.

LIBRARY RIP-OFF: Who would steal from a library? That’s what my kids wanted to know when they went in to collect their prizes for the summer teen reading contest last week. The money for the Barnes and Noble gift certificates had been stolen from a box in the back room of the Montclair branch library. Call it a crime of opportunity — you can’t leave cash, even petty cash, lying around these days.

DOG’S WORLD: They call themselves the Rockridge Mountain Bernese Club, a pack of six look-alike dogs in one Oakland neighborhood.

“Bernese have such distinct markings that it’s easy to spot one,” says reader Sharon Fletcher, who says her dog Jake is related to two of the canine cousins who walk the streets in a big furry pack, turning heads as they go.

“They’re such friendly and goofy creatures,” says Fletcher, who says the dog friendships have spawned great bonds between the human owners, too. The proof is in the pudding. People and pooches alike will be at Jake’s third birthday party later this month, where the preferred treat will be — Frosty Paws.

HAPPY HAUNTING: Everyone loves a good ghost story and the folks at Montclair’s Phoenix Rising Salon and Day Spa are no exception. In fact, owner Cynthia Black says they have their own ghost at the spa, whom they affectionately call “Bob.”

“He appeared within the first month of opening our business two years ago,” she says, recounting the various antics of the specter in the white lab coat.

“Various staff members would find that items were missing and then, within an hour, they would return,” she recalls. Then there was the show Bob put on as he playfully dimmed the lights in the treatment rooms. But what made Black a believer was when she saw a purple handbag fly off the shelf and onto the floor.

“There’s been no action, now, for eight months or so,” she laughs, adding, “Bob may have taken a hike but he’s welcome back if he wants to come back.”

Black is no dummy — she knows that a ghost can be good for business. Especially a ghost named Bob.

I’VE ALWAYS BEEN partial to those books for dummies. It’s not so much a reflection of my IQ as proof of my extreme modesty. I’ve learned everything from how to surf the Internet to how to grow a lemon tree. And now I’ve learned that “Jazz for Dummies” is written by a homegrown musician from Montclair — Dirk Sutro.

Sutro got some of his earliest inspirations at Montclair Elementary School in the 1960s, where he played drums and idolized the Beatles.

“My parents bought me the same kind of drum set as Ringo played, only in silver sparkle, because Ringo’s blue oyster color wasn’t in stock at Sherman and Clay music on Broadway in downtown Oakland,” he remembers.

At Montera Middle School, Sutro was known for his rendition of “George of the Jungle” on the timpani, an offering that greatly annoyed his band director, Mr. Yob.

Sutro played in a jazz duo in high school with his friend Craig Huntington, who still lives in Montclair with his wife, Robin. As Sutro’s love for jazz grew, so did his skill at writing. English became his major at UC Berkeley and helped him develop the skills he needed to write several books, including “Jazz for Dummies.”

Sutro lives in Southern California now, but his folks still live in Montclair. And last year, he says his family reached a musical milestone.

“I took my Dad and Mom to see the Rolling Stones at AT&T Park, and they were blown away by the spectacle. I think my Dad is still bragging to his friends,” he said. I bet the Beatles aren’t the only thing Dad is bragging about. Keep up the good work, Dick!

CRIME UPDATE: The magazine scammers are back again, hitting on hills homeowners. A dialogue on the Montclair Safety & Improvement Web site alerts neighbors to the parade of people who have been dropped off on various streets to sell magazines.

Police warn against opening your door to these people, saying some may actually be casing your house for burglary. At the very least, their pitch is often peppered with lies, and in most cases your magazines never come.

DOG’S WORLD: Hills attorney Bob Stumpf has a leg up on every other dog owner in Oakland. His pooch, Milo, has just run his 500th lap around Lake Merritt. That, alone, would be enough to turn heads in the canine world, but this hound had to ham it up. He ran his record-setting lap in a tuxedo. It reminds me of that old joke: What do you get when you cross a dog with a penguin?

E-MAIL BAG: Reader Dave Blumgart has a beef with my recent piece on local baseball player Stephen Singleton being drafted by the Twins. I mistakenly wrote Minnesota had won two championships in the past 10 years (they were actually in 1987 and 1991) and Blumgart fired back: “Since the Twins have not even won the AL pennant since 1991 — and therefore have not in that time even appeared in the Series — it’s pretty hard to refer to any mention of their championship record over a 10-year span.”

Me thinks Dave is not a Twins fan.

BRITISH BASH: All the beautiful people were there to greet British Prime Minister Tony Blair in San Francisco the other night. Montclair’s Suzie Goodier said the Pimms was flowing at the home of George and Charlotte Schultz, and Blair looked dapper and much younger than his 53 years. There was one snafu with the food, she reports.

“The fish and chips came in paper cones, and the vinegar was dripping onto the white carpet,” she said. It was a colorful addition to the red wine that was spilled earlier in the evening. Oh — I say!

THERE’S SOMETHING ironic about living in Montclair. We’ve got oak-studded hills and wide-open spaces, but a lack of police protection and virtually no city money for downtown improvements. The Laurel District has its archways. The Fruitvale has its new transit plaza. And Montclair has its odd assortment of patio furniture resting on root-bound sidewalks that regularly catch heels and send shoppers tumbling.

“We’re having a really tough time,” says the head of the Montclair Business Association, Helen Wyman. Merchants have a plan for sprucing up Montclair, but they have to raise more money.

“We have to do it all on our own,” Wyman admits, adding that grants and city money are probably out of the question because of the area’s perceived wealth.

Thank goodness for guys like Henry Vortriede at Montclair Bistro. His celebrity bartender program (Wyman and I were both recent participants) helped raise $300, recently, for village improvements. Part of the money will go towards a citizen-funded park at the Moraga Road on/off ramp to Highway 13. The rest will be added to a fund to buy benches and signage and decorative tree grates with oak leaves and acorns.

But it won’t happen overnight. Montclair needs money and merchants are already paying through the nose for rent and assessments. So we continue to sit on splintered benches with loose slats and watch as our beloved village ages, ever so ungracefully. It’s the paradox of modern times, in a city where we always seem to be at the back of the line.

LOVING MEMORY: One of Montclair’s sweetest merchants has died, leaving a grieving husband and three children. Houng Le worked at Myrna’s Flower Shop, where she was known for her beautiful arrangements, many of which were made in her garage.

“You would see her every day delivering flowers with a smile in the morning, like sunshine,” remembers customer David Delgado. “Suddenly Montclair Village seems a lot less bright.”

Houng loved coffee and conversation, and everyone knew her at Peet’s, next door. At just 44, her life ended much too quickly, but her kindness left a glow that will shine for years.

HIP HOP: There’s a run on rabbits at the Oakland Animal Shelter. Interim director Dave Cronin says a barrage of bunnies came in last spring — mostly unwanted Easter presents. They’ve been spayed and neutered (so they won’t breed like — rabbits) and are ready for adoption. And what makes a bunny better than a more conventional pet? Cronin says they’re clean and cuddly (even litter-box trained) and they sit on your lap, just like a cat. And unlike some dogs, you never hear of a vicious rabbit. A silly rabbit perhaps — but never a vicious one. For adoption information, call 510-913-0422.

OTHER WORLDLY: If women are from Venus and men are from Mars, what planet do teenagers come from? It doesn’t matter. They’ll love the monthly Lunar Lounge night at Chabot Space and Science Center. Not only is there live music and munchies in the Celestial Cafe (with beer for adults), the Ask Jeeves Planetarium has an awesome alternative music show with jaw-dropping digital animation. Flaming lips soar through space, floating jellyfish surround you and galactic eyeballs dodge planets as you fly through giant worm holes. It makes the old Dark Side of the Moon Planetarium show look so — last century.

RED-FACED DAD: What macho guy could resist the allure of a free lunch at a Hayward tool shop? The fact that the Hooters girls were going to be there was like icing on the cake for reader John Van Krieken, who wasted no time pulling into the parking lot with his truck full of hungry construction workers. But John got the surprise of his life when he heard a voice calling “Dad.”

“There was my daughter — a Hooter girl,” he exclaimed, saying it wasn’t exactly what he meant when he told her to get a job. Perhaps the old adage is true. There’s no such thing as a free lunch.

OH THE LUCKY RICH. We have everything in the hills — except air conditioning. “We don’t need it,” we boast, telling everyone who’ll listen about Montclair’s perfect weather. Well, the chicken has come home to roost. I’m not sure what that means, but the Town Crier is hotter than a pepper sprout and this column must be used to vent.

First of all, the Concord influence has got to go. If I had wanted Concord’s weather, I would have bought a place there for half the money with twice the square footage — and AIR CONDITIONING! But I chose to live here for the sea breeze and I want it back.

It just doesn’t make sense. In the winter, my place is freezing. There’s a draft coming from every room in the house. But lately, the draft had disappeared. Things seem tighter than a drum. The words “canned heat” come to mind. I think my house is combustible.

Or maybe it’s just me that’s combustible. I admit, I’ve been crabby lately. But I do have a plan. I’m headed to the store to buy a carton of bottle misters with fans on them. I will squirt myself silly and pass out misters to all my friends. That way, when I overheat again, they’ll be ready.

CAMPAIGN CLUTTER: Thanks to reader Betty Henry for pointing out that the hills are still peppered with City Council President Ignacio De La Fuente’s mayoral campaign signs. But there’s something else cluttering the landscape that she’d like to see removed — ribbons on the trees near Skyline High School.

“I’m a little disappointed because the teachers wanted our support and they tied these ribbons on the trees and just left them there,” she says, adding she put in a call to the school and they ignored it.

GRAND SLAM: Congratulations to Bishop O’Dowd graduate Stephen Singleton, who has been drafted by one of my favorite teams — the Minnesota Twins. The Trestle Glen slugger says his dad was his favorite coach, along with another Oaklander, Will Ash. (Will’s son Johnny was a senior when Stephen was a freshman at O’Dowd, and went on to play with the Houston Astros). And how does Singleton feel about playing for the Twins? “I wasn’t a huge fan,” he admits, “but once I was drafted by them I started looking into their history and got excited.” Two world championships in the last 10 years can do that for a player — even a kid from California.

E-MAIL BAG: Reader Pat Smyklo is miffed at the Oakland Animal Shelter. As a member of the group Fix Our Ferals, she says the shelter is not doing enough to save feral kittens.

“There are often over 50 kittens at the shelter and many are euthanized,” she writes, adding the agency doesn’t take enough responsibility to fix the mother cat, either. She wants animal lovers to call the shelter and demand that they work closer with her rescue group to save feral cats and kittens.

PORK PROJECT: You’ve heard about the little pig that went to market? Well that pink porker was raised by Montclair’s own Katie Ferguson, 11, for her 4-H project. Her mother, Tina, tells me the kids were supposed to find buyers for their animals before auction time at the Alameda County Fair and Katie called Piedmont Grocery owner Dave Larson.

“He (and his family) came to the auction, and very generously outbid himself, until he reached the price he wanted to pay,” she said. Now Larson is loaded with bacon and chops, and Katie has a nice little nest egg for her future endeavors. Everybody wins

THANK GOODNESS the room was air conditioned. Seeing “Menopause the Musical” the other night was like riding the wave of a hilarious hot flash. It was 90 minutes of non-stop laughter about a once taboo topic that women can finally joke about. Yet the humor eludes most men. Only a handful were sprinkled through the theater and their reaction was subdued compared to the side-splitting laughter from the women.

Speaking of “Menopause the Musical,” Glenview author Kathleen Archambeau is the featured guest at the July 26 performance of this off-Broadway hit in San Francisco. She’ll be reading from her book “Climbing the Corporate Ladder in High Heels” just before the 8 p.m. show at Theatre 39. Archambeau’s book is getting a lot of attention in the male-dominated corporate world and was even featured in the May 17 issue of Forbes.com. Between her book and the musical, it’s the perfect ladies night out.

MANZANITA MISTAKE: How many folks know that Oakland’s Manzanita trees are endangered and protected? Spencer Koffman didn’t, so when a fire inspector came by and told him to cut down some of his shiny, mahogany-colored bushes, he naturally complied.

“We recently had a fire inspector come by and tell us to cut down some of our Manzanita trees. “We feel very sad that we cut down these beautiful trees,” he writes. “We didn’t know they were protected, we were just following the fire inspectors demands.” It reminds me of that old 1960s bumper sticker — “Question Authority”.

LOCAL SWINGER: Oakland teen Alexis Hendrick likes to hang out, especially upside down. The 17-year old trapeze artist has been performing in Bay Area circuses since she was 10, including a stint at Woodminster Theatre in “Barnum” Before she heads off to Vassar College this fall, you may want to check her out at Berkeley’s Julia Morgan Theater. She’s part of an amazing all youth circus show called “Vertigo,” playing tomorrow in one show only at 2 p.m. The show features a band of urban youth in the year 2341, who survive with a combination of contortions, aerial hoops and other mind-bending acrobatics. For tickets and more information, call 925-798-1300.

SAVING KIDS: Reader Jeri Mersky says nine orphaned kids from Colombia will be treated to ice cream and an art class on July 23 at Kehilla Community Synagogue on Grand Avenue in Piedmont. The children are staying with Bay Area host families this summer through a program called Kidsave International. If you’d like to find out more about this program, you can call Jeri at 510-339-3922.

E-MAIL BAG: Thanks to reader Lisa Alumkal for letting me know that she’s starting a meal assembly service in Montclair later this year. The Full Plate will open in the Village Square Shopping Center, next to Montclair Bakery and Italian Colors. This kind of business is all the rage right now, because it lets busy moms (and others) assemble meals with freshly-prepared ingredients, and cook them later at home. It beats the heck out of the method a harried hills housewife used not long ago, when she sauteed sausages on a griddle (plugged into her cigarette lighter) while she drove.

Iceland artist dips brush into beauty of land
I GOT A CALL from a friend the other day who needed some travel tips. She was going to a strange, far-off land — a place most Californians have never seen: South Dakota.

“There’s nothing to be nervous about,” I told her. I was born in South Dakota and visit the state annually without ever showing my passport. You don’t need shots or special currency — but it helps if you like sausage and sauerkraut.

It’s strange how Californians can go their whole life without seeing the Dakotas. They’ll travel to London and France repeatedly but a visit to America’s heartland never crosses their mind.
“What would I do there?” people ask me. “It seems so — bland.” Well, if you call a palace made entirely of corn husks “bland” — then your life is more exciting than mine. But South Dakota has more than the Corn Palace in Mitchell. My hometown of Eureka is the kuchen capital of the world. Folks come from miles around to enjoy this yummy custard-filled dessert. And South Dakota has the faces. Mount Rushmore at night, illuminated by the moon, could turn a communist into a flag-waving patriot.
But a trip to South Dakota is more than just a visit to Middle America. It’s a way to open your mind to what other people think, and how they live their lives. And if more people did this, it would help bring a fractured America together.

ICELAND ARTIST: After returning from Iceland last month, I found a new friend. Arngunnur Yr is an Oakland Hills mom who not only hails from Iceland, she paints Icelandic landscapes and takes tour groups there. Her work is seductive and poetic, and often as raw as the nature she paints. “In the winter months, I work in my studio when my kids are at school,” she says.
Arngunnur admits that art is the most important thing in her life — second only to her family. But she also works as a guide in the mountains of Iceland, where she says you can travel through a raw blackness with vast skies, majestic volcanoes and glaciers that lure you into the distance. “At the day’s end, you return to the gentle soft aromatic greens, the deep moss and fragrant herbs that feel almost like a physical caress!” she says, describing the pastoral towns that dot her homeland. The landscape is reflected in her work. “On one hand my paintings of vast skies and landscape lure in the viewer, but on a closer look, the image seems to be disintegrating and almost undermine the initial beauty of the image,” she explains. The result is a constant conflict in her paintings, which makes viewers stop and think. It’s a direct contrast to her personal life, which is rich with adventure, fulfillment and, most important, family. You can see Arngunnur Yr’s work on her Web site at www. arngunnuryr.com.

ICELAND EATERY: A taste of Iceland is literally just a short drive through the tunnel. Katy’s Kreek is a popular restaurant in Walnut Creek owned by two charming Icelanders, Ari Gardar Georgsson and his wife, Benedikta Gisladottir. The night I was there, the room was filled with blond diners, enjoying native dishes like hashed fish stew served with chopped cod, potatoes and melted cheese. I had the ciappino, which was a savory dish of scallops, mussels and other seafood in a dunkworthy broth. And dunk I did, as I mopped up every bit with a piece of sweet beer bread. The only thing that would make this place better is an ice bar which would give folks some relief from the broiling Walnut Creek heat. It’ll take some convincing, but I think I can talk Ari into it.

ROAD RAGE: The heat must be getting to some folks. Reader Furio Soto says a crazed motorist was on his tail all the way down Shepherd Canyon Road the other day, and then cut him off in Montclair Village. Minutes later, Soto ran into the guy inside Safeway, and the man blew his top.
“YOU WERE DRIVING TOO SLOW!” he screamed as surprised shoppers scattered to other parts of the store. Soto tried to reason with the guy but realized it was useless. He left the man steaming near the stewed tomatoes.

SEASON’S GREETINGS: Who thinks about Christmas in July? Collectors, who stormed Annie’s Hallmark in Montclair last weekend to get a newly released Christmas ornament collection. Owner Mohammed Khatib says, “I’m supposed to hide them and then unveil them — but I don’t.” He doesn’t need the fanfare. Many folks had the date circled for months and spent up to $50 apiece for the Christmas collectibles.

THERE MUST BE something magical about the Oakland hills. I’ve never seen so many productive people in their retirement years. Is it the fresh air? The steep grades? Something in the fog? It defies explanation, and yet there are seniors all around us who run marathons and even run their own companies.

I’ve known Howard Smith for years. He’s been a faithful promoter of the USS Potomac as long as I’ve been writing this column. And he’ll be the first to tell you he’s no spring chicken.

“I’m an old man,” he says, “approaching 93.” Yet Smith drives himself down to the docks in Oakland six or seven times a month to volunteer on the ship that once served as President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s floating White House. It’s something about the waterfront that’s been calling him since his days in the Civilian Conservation Corps in the early 1930s.

“I was out of school and broke and couldn’t get a job,” he recalls, “and I got paid a dollar a day in the Corps. I bought toilet articles and postage stamps and had a few dollars left over for beer.”

Then World War II came along and Smith enlisted in the Coast Guard and spent three years defending our country. It taught him how to handle responsibility.

“When they have an emergency on the Potomac, I tell them to give old man Smith a call,” he says.

But you have to be careful how you call him. “We have three people with the first name of Howard and two with the last name of Howard. You’re liable to get a crowd if you shout that name out,” he laughs. We should all be so lucky as to have a Howard Smith on our staff. He not only leads tours on the Potomac, but he ties fancy knots for the ship’s bell and railings. I can only hope I’m as productive in my tenth decade on this wonderful planet.

E-MAIL BAG: Last week’s column on beating summer heat prompted this response from reader Patricia Durham: “How about at least mentioning Oakland Ice Center as a cool destination? It’s a city spot, needs the business and has reasonable prices, too,” she writes. Speaking of cool places, how about Marine World? The day I was there, a nice marine breeze was keeping temperatures at bay. The killer whales sent a refreshing spray into the front row seats of their stadium, and folks of all ages were enjoying the wet, wild, water ride. Keeping cool has never been so much fun.

FREEWAY FOLIAGE: Reader Gregory Blackburn is wondering when our promised replanting of Highway 13 is set to begin.

“Weren’t we told to expect more from the recent re-surfacing and landscaping of the freeway as it passes from Broadway Terrace, through Montclair and on to Woodminster?” he writes. You’re right, Gregory, and Vice Mayor Jean Quan says the funding is set and a citizen group has finished the planning.

“Plants will include many natives,” she says, “and given the CalTrans project schedule and the best time to plant … we expect the work in the fall.”

IF YOU’VE been reading my column over the years, you know my policy on hot weather: I’m not a fan. Staying cool takes a lot of energy and I don’t mean in the form of watts or voltage. I’m talking about the creative energy it takes to avoid a total meltdown. I’ve tried everything except a clothing-optional camp to stay cool this summer. The research has been extensive and I’m ready to share it here:

Pack up your swimsuit and sandals (and kids if you’ve got them) and drive to Pleasanton. Ignore the fact that the temperature climbs a degree for every mile you travel east — you’re headed to a little-known water park where you won’t have to fight throngs of kids to ride the slides. Shadow Cliffs is an old gravel quarry turned lake, not far from the Stoneridge mall. You can swim and boat here, but the real fun is next door at the California Splash waterslides. For $10, you get a half day of the best aerobic exercise around — climbing the cement walkway and flying down one of four wet and wild waterslides — over and over. You feel like a kid as you fly around corners and over the lip in a spray of water that feels like liquid heaven. The bigger your body, the faster you go — which is a bonus for adults. Just hang on to your swimsuit when you get to the plunge pool at the bottom. This is not a clothing-optional water park.

Still not cool enough for you? Then grab your mittens and head to Berkeley Iceland. For $10, you can rent skates and go round and round the rink until you can’t feel your toes. The winter scene (complete with twinkling Christmas lights) transports you to a season of frosty bliss. You may even want to buy a hot chocolate.

If these ideas don’t excite you, then break down and buy a home cooling system. This is almost unheard of in the hills, but desperate times call for desperate measures. And while you’ll get soaked for a summertime purchase like this, it’s better than being soaked with perspiration for the next three months.

PHONE THEFT: Reader Joy Somerville has a tip for cell phone users who want an easy way to de-activate their phones if the phones are lost or stolen. Jot down your phone’s serial number, which you can find by keying in *#06#.

“Write it down and keep it safe,” said Somerville. “Should your mobile phone ever get stolen, you can phone your service provider and they’ll be able to block your handset, making it totally useless.”

ANIMAL TALES: If a cat has nine lives, how about a dog? Oakland Zoo director Joel Parrott says his dog used up at least one of those lives when he was left for dead in the bushes behind George Zimmer’s house. Zimmer, the owner of the Men’s Wearhouse, called Parrott and he came out to take the animal away.

“As I was putting him in the body bag, his eye twitched,” he said, “and we took him to the zoo and stabilized him and the emergency clinic helped through the weekend and he started eating — and now he’s my dog!”

PERFORMANCE PAJAMAS: Finally, there’s a product for women who find themselves flinging off their nighties in the middle of the night. The trendy women’s fashion shop in Montclair, Utopia, is selling pajamas that fight night sweats.

Wildbleu has a patented stay-dry fiber and comes in seven cooling colors. The one called arctic should really get the job done.