What kind of person dumps tires and trash — even cars into a watershed? The word “litter bug” isn’t strong enough to describe a scofflaw like this. “Dumper” doesn’t do it either. But whatever you call these folks, they’re living all around us and leaving their junk along Pinehurst Road on the way to Canyon.
You should have seen what crews pulled up last week in an effort to clean up decades of dumping. Over a dozen old cars and hundreds of tires. It was incredibly hard work with workers using cranes and other heavy equipment to hoist the junk up to the road and haul it away. And EBMUD paid plenty to get the job done.
Maybe the canyon will stay clean for a while. And maybe horses will fly, too. One thing’s for sure. Seeing all that trash made me lose a little more faith in people. I think I need an attitude adjustment.

STAYING CALM: If you owned a business, what would you name it? In the case of Eryn Harrison’s new salon, the name is a reflection of her mood. When she opened Calm A Salon at 4315 Piedmont Ave. this summer, her goal was to create an oasis.
“I didn’t want it to be a hustle and bustle salon. Everybody has these crazy busy lives and when you’re in my salon I want you to be calm,” she said. But around Eryn, it’s hard to be anything but calm. She’s sweet and soft-spoken and has lots of friends from her years of styling hair in Montclair.
In fact, leaving the village was one of her biggest fears.
“Working at the Hair Tailor — it was so important to be part of the community,” she said. (Eryn grew up in Montclair and still lives in her family house). But she says her new neighbors have been wonderful and very supportive. In fact, they’re all salon owners who’ve created a little mecca for the body and soul. Good luck in your new location, Eryn. Montclair’s loss is Piedmont Avenue’s gain.

HIGH TIMES: Hills artist Michael Grbich is walking a pretty thin line these days. In fact, it’s a tightrope which he uses for mental stimulation as much as for exercise. And at 73, he’s got some pretty lofty goals, including a lesson next month with Philippe Petit. Petit is the guy who walked a tightrope between New York’s Twin Towers 30 years ago. Grbich won’t be doing any high-wire walking , but you could say he’ll be “learning the ropes” from the expert.

VILLAGE FREEBIES: It seems the Montclair branch library is becoming the place for free books and I don’t mean the ones you check out. Folks have been leaving stacks of paperbacks and periodicals by the front door with increasing regularity. It’s mostly done after hours and librarian Leon Cho says he doesn’t need (or have room) for most of the donations, so he leaves them out there. Eventually they get picked up, either by eager readers or the recycling guy.

Greetings from South Dakota, where I’m vacationing with my mom, dad and daughter. Three generations– each with their own agenda and me as the “tweener” in the middle. Here’s how the trip has gone so far.
DAY ONE IN CASSVILLE, WIS.: My folks trace dad’s genealogy, I buy some cheese curds and my teen tunes out with her iPod. We all share a room with a really loud air conditioner and there’s a constant cue to the bathroom. Dusk comes and my folks go to bed and we are expected to follow. We toss and turn until midnight, then settle into a deep slumber that is shattered by the rustling of newspapers and a percolating pot of coffee. “Did I wake you?” asks mom in her most surprised voice.
The accommodations are better on days two, three and four. Our condo on the golf course in Galena, Ill. (home of Civil War hero and President Ulysses S. Grant) has two bedrooms and, more important, two baths. Harmony is running high until dinner, when my teen wants Italian and my folks are grossed out by the huge plates of pasta that are brought to the table.
“How can anyone eat all this?” my parents remark. “We’ve lost our appetites!” The enormous portions come up at least 10 more times in conversation before we get the bill. My dad complains of heartburn half the night and we all wake up in our crabby pants the next morning.
DAY FIVE: The dirty clothes are taking over the back seat of my father’s Buick like a growing living organism. It breathes and it’s threatening to consume everything in its path. My teen freaks out and spends the morning in the Laundromat. We arrive in Pierre, S.D., in time for a Buffalo dinner.
DAY SIX: I would kill for some fog. The Midwestern heat is addling my brain and my teenager swears she can’t go outside.
Mom says she’s chilly and adds another layer of clothing. At dinner, my folks ask us how we can eat such spicy food.
“Maybe it’s why you’re always hot,” they remark.
And so the trip goes, with conflict and compromise as we blend the generations. Club Med it’s not. But I wouldn’t trade the laughter and memories for any vacation on earth.

TAKING CHARGE: A few weeks ago, I mentioned a dangerous section of sidewalk in front of the Blockbuster in Montclair. At least two readers reported tripping on the walkway and wanted it fixed. Well, the wheels are in motion and Public Works is addressing the problem.
But there’s more to the story. There’s apparently a city-operated call center now where you can report stuff like this and have someone take action. It’s staffed by Sabrina Jones, who is described as a truly dedicated employee. The number is 510-615-5565. Give it a try and let me know what you think.
“CADDYSHACK”: It’s a blast from the past at Oakland’s Claremont Country Club. Reader Timmy Fanning says he’s earning money for college this summer as a caddy at the venerable Broadway Terrace golf course.
“I carry two bags and make $90 for four hours of exercise,” he said, adding that you don’t even have to be a golfer yourself — you just need a strong back and legs. And it doesn’t hurt to look good in one of those white caddy jumpsuits they wear, either.

HELPING HAND: From Oakland to Africa — A timely gift is on its way to some of the world’s poorest people.
Local author Susan Urquhart-Brown says she’s sending copies of her book “The Accidental Entrepreneur” to fledgling businesswomen in Tanzania, Uganda and Kenya. Susan has seen for herself how hard women are working there to overcome poverty. After her last visit, she said: “I was inspired by the women’s enthusiasm, work ethic, generosity and gratitude and their ability to do so much with so little.”
Susan wrote the book after launching her own business in 1995.

E-MAIL BAG: Reader Chuck Harrison (who was instrumental in getting the drop-off mail boxes at Mountain and Colton) is on another crusade. He wants a crosswalk in front of the Montclair Library.
“Young children are especially vulnerable,” he writes, adding that speeding cars have been an issue on this section of Mountain Boulevard. Then there’s the problem of parking. “While it’s possible to slip into parking behind what I still call The Montclair Women’s Club building at Thornhill, it is far safer to go where there is off-street library parking at the Dimond branch (on Fruitvale Avenue) and at the Rockridge branch (on College Avenue).” Anybody for valet parking?
And speaking of the Oakland libraries, the waiting list to check out the newest Harry Potter book is around 400 people. J.K. Rowling could probably write another book in the time it takes to reach the top of the list. But then again, saving $25 might be worth the wait.

EVERY TOWN has its characters. Some sip coffee in the same spot each day, chatting and laughing as the fog swirls outside the window. Others walk — and walk — as if driven by a purpose we can’t comprehend. And then there are those just doing their job, day after day, but with a spark that ignites a smile from everyone who passes by.
This is the story of Morris Hogg. For 36 years, he’s been ringing up groceries — 29 of them in Montclair at Lucky and now Albertson’s. He’ll be retiring in the fall, and reader Yvonne Byron thought it would be fun to interview him for this column. Here’s what she wrote:
Morris was born and raised in Oakland. He graduated from Castlemont High and went two years to the College of Alameda.
Things have not always been easy for Morris. His wife died five years ago of cancer and he has had two strokes (thankfully, he has totally recovered). Through all this, he never seemed to lose his cheerfulness. “It takes a lot to make me mad,” he says.
Morris has met a lot of luminaries at the store — author Maya Angelou, actor Denzel Washington and sports figures too numerous to mention. He has enjoyed working in this community, getting to know customers and trading recipes. But he’s looking forward to fishing in the Delta, playing Dominoes, visiting his time-share in Las Vegas and, of course, spending more time with his three daughters and five grandkids.
Why did Yvonne take the time to talk with Morris for this column?
“It takes a village to make a pleasant life,” she said, “and he’s been part of my life.”
Next time you’re shopping — wish Morris well.

E-MAIL BAG: Speaking of retirement, reader Dan Melvin says a popular Montclair AC Transit driver is about to retire.
“Tom has been driving the 59/59A line for the past several years and, prior to that, drove the 64 line (which used to connect the Cal campus with the Merritt College campus). He is one of the most personable, professional and courteous drivers I’ve met in my 35 years of riding buses on the AC system, and — most remarkably — he is on schedule 98 percent of the time!”

VOICE-MAIL BAG: A flurry of phone calls and e-mails has come in since my column on the weed-covered lot next to the Skyline fire station. The city reacted with lightning speed (yes, it’s true!) after it was brought to the attention of Councilwoman Jean Quan’s office.
Now readers want to know when other problems will be fixed.
“The fire hydrants on Skyline between Joaquin Miller and Ascot are completely engulfed in weeds,” said one caller.
Jeanine Fetterly said the sign at Swainland and Broadway Terrace is on the wrong side of the road and hidden by a tree.
Kathryn Sawyer wrote that there are many city-owned properties with high weeds, including a lot at Colton and Arrowhead. And Charles Bret said there’s a blind curve at Broadway Terrace and Capricorn where a stop sign is needed. In response, I’ve forwarded these complaints on to Quan’s staff and will let you know what I hear.

MANY APOLOGIES: When writing recently about the Joaquin Miller Elementary School T-shirt collection that was made into a quilt, I mistakenly spelled the creator’s name wrong. Congratulations again to Carolyn Heywood and happy retirement!

WHEN PEOPLE TALK, do politicians listen? In some cases, no. But this a success story of a “grassroots effort” to get the grass (OK, weeds) trimmed back on one of our city-owned lots.
Not long ago, neighbor Joel Markowitz mentioned in an e-mail that there was a dangerous situation on a blind curve at Skyline and Manzanita drives.
“Would you know whom to contact at the city to get them to cut back all the weeds?” he wrote.
I forwarded the e-mail to Richard Cowan with Councilwoman Jean Quan’s staff, and he put me in touch with Deputy Fire Chief James Williams.
“The lot in question should be cleared by June 9,” Williams responded, adding, “Thanks for bringing this matter to our attention.”
And so it was done. The guys came in and wacked the weeds and the once junglelike lot is now “sporting” a trim new look. A crew cut.
So once again, the words ring true. It really does take a village.

E-MAIL BAG: Many pardons for forgetting the space between blue and bird in last week’s item about the Scrub Jays and the Pussycat. While Scrub Jays are blue, “they are not bluebirds,” says reader Larry Jacobs. “A bluebird would/could never harass a cat because they are way too small and skittish to hang around any mammal.”

FLIGHT PATTERNS: Speaking of flying critters, Martha Bauman has a regular butterfly house in her hills yard. Hundreds of Monarchs are sipping the nectar and flitting about in a big, white-flowered tree that’s in full bloom right now. By the way, this connection with the animal kingdom seems to run in Martha’s family. She reports that her sister-in-law once had a brood of birds nesting in her front door wreath.

OUTDOOR OFFERING: One of my favorite authors, whose novels are often set in the Oakland hills, has an outdoor reading in Larkspur next week. Jessica Barksdale Inclan and acclaimed writers Kim Addonizio and Susan Browne will be sharing their work under the Redwoods at the Lark Creek Inn, June 22nd. It’s part of the popular restaurant’s monthly outdoor dinner series and it’s free to the public. For more information, call 415-924-7766.

WAITING PATIENTLY: From the “get a life file” — I’m still waiting for the high chairs to return to the Montclair Starbucks. Manager Mike Knutsen says he’s looking for seats that meet the company’s safety and budget concerns, but high chairs are a low priority compared to things like ordering coffee and hiring employees. Still, it’s a shame to spoil the view from the best picture window in town. High up you get the low-down on life in the village with a front-row seat to everything from dog fights to traffic altercations.

AND FINALLY: The Town Crier would like to report a theft. It’s not a big-ticket item but a small piece of metal marking an Oakland hills street. Someone has stolen Uranus off its sign post at the intersection with Broadway Terrace. Perhaps it was a prankster or maybe even an astronomy buff. I can only report one thing with certainty. Uranus is missing and police don’t know where on Earth to look for it.

I LOVE being shuttled around in a golf cart. It makes me feel so — important. So it was great fun motoring through the new children’s section of the Oakland Zoo the other night.
Zoo Director Dr. Joel Parrott was giving a sneak preview of a place kids are sure to love when it opens June 25. Bats and bunnies and bugs (oh my) will be living it up in their new digs. There’ll be pigs and goats and gaters too — along with a few dozen Orb Weavers (spiders with the world’s largest webs). The new Valley Children’s Zoo has been a long time coming. We dreamed about it way back in the ’80s, when I was on the board of directors. Soon it’ll be finished. And all those animals will be joined by something even stranger. A swarm of Homo sapiens.

ANIMAL TALES: I’ve heard of the owl and the pussycat — but this is ridiculous. Hills couple Tina and Bill Panzer say their cat was being bothered last month by a couple of plucky bluebirds.
“Whenever we let Jessie out, no matter which exit from our house she used, the two Scrub Jays would instantly appear and follow her around squawking nonstop.”
Tina says this went on until one day they left the door open and one of the jays flew into the house.
“It was quite a scene, the bird flying around the room, Jessie chasing it and my husband and I chasing them both,” she writes. The bird and the pussycat were rounded up and sent to their respective corners, so to speak. And that bout apparently settled the score. The jays haven’t been back since.

THAT STINGS: Swimmers at the Hills pool were stunned, last week, to see a swarm of bees passing directly overhead. Someone must have disrupted their hive in the regional park nearby because they were angry and on the move.
Meanwhile, a vector control guy was down in the Glenview district removing a hive, bare-handed, from a Bottlebrush Bush in front of the Diggery Inn. Folks say he climbed right up and took care of business, ignoring the swarm that’s been bugging folks for weeks.

COMING TOGETHER: Reader Heidi Beck tells me she had a sweet reunion last week with a woman she hasn’t heard from in ages.
“She called me to say ‘congratulations’ after reading about me in your column,” she said. I had featured 82-year-old Heidi, last Friday, in a story about her daily swim at dawn. All that exercise and she still has the energy for her volunteer job at Children’s Hospital!

AUTHOR, AUTHOR: Seems like the timing is right for a book on boxing, and that’s just what hills sportswriter Dave Newhouse has finished. A labor of love, Dave spent years traveling the country and interviewing some of boxing’s biggest names.
And what does he think about the blockbuster movie “Cinderella Man”?
“Wonderful movie but a little sappy,” according to Newhouse, who says it falls short of a classic because of actress Renee Zellewegger’s locker room speech before the big fight.

THUMBS UP: Hills equestrian Joan Van Horn doesn’t let a little thing like a thumb bring her down.
In fact, after losing her digit in a horse trailer accident, she had the surgeon transplant her big toe on her hand. It was a pretty close match, actually, and after eight hours of surgery she was so grateful she threw a “coming out” party to celebrate. Pardon the pun, but after all Joan’s been through — you really have to “hand” it to her. What a good sport.

My body is a temple — it just needs a seismic retrofit. Nothing earth-shattering — just a little nip and tuck. Or I could do what Heidi Beck has done for decades. Get up at 4 a.m., have breakfast and be in the pool before 6.
Heidi swims an hour a day, every day — rain or shine. At 82, she figures she’s swum three-quarters of the way around the world — all at The Hills Swim Club, where she joined as a charter member in 1962.
“The Red Cross was offering a pin to anyone who could swim 50 miles in one year,” she remembered of those early days. “My daughter was taking swim lessons and said ‘Mommy, will you do this with me?'”
Since then, things have gone, well, swimmingly. Heidi’s health has allowed her to do things most seniors don’t get to enjoy. At 76, she tried sky diving. Twice. She still tends to her hillside garden and hosts her grandchildren for summer vacations. And she never forgets where she’d be without her morning routine.
“I’m convinced I’d be in a wheelchair,” she said, referring to a lung condition she’s had since childhood.
Heidi is like a fine Swiss watch. Time marches on and she keeps ticking. Oh — and she’s waterproof, too.

OVERCOMING ODDS: When artist Michael Grbich lost his home in the Oakland hills firestorm, it would have been easy to slip into a funk. His wife had died a year and a half earlier and the house had been a labor of love for the couple.
“We built it out of recyclable materials,” Grbich said, adding they found their beautiful Victorian doors in a trash bin in downtown Oakland. Their home was so unique it was featured in Newsweek magazine.
But out of the ashes rose hope.
“I told my kids, ‘Don’t ever refer to yourselves as victims. We’re survivors,'” he said.
Today, Grbich’s art reflects his optimism and zeal for life. And his home, with the same architectural layout as the earlier house, is part of an artists tour this month.
You can meet Michael and see his work this weekend and next, during the East Bay Open Studio. I think you’ll find him as inspirational as the panoramic bay view from his sun-kissed home.

YEAH, BABY: Do Oaklanders know how to party or what? Even Mike Myers would have been impressed by the recent Austin Powers party in the hills. A fund-raiser for Corpus Christi School, the attendees were groovy in their polyester bellbottoms and polka-dot minis. But the real highlight was the pad, man. It was right out of a James Bond movie, complete with go-go dance cages and a wrap-around love seat. Oh — and the carpets were “shag-alicious”.

BOTCHED BURGLARY: Somewhere out there is a burglar without his “booty.” The hapless crook snuck into a hills yard the other night, tried to drug the dog and then broke into the house — only to escape with a handful of CDs and a CD player. After all that, he didn’t even like the music. It was found dumped outside the 7-Eleven on Thornhill Road.

CRIME STORY: Speaking of illegal activity, remember Mike Healy, the guy I wrote about last week who chased two thugs off the tennis court in Montclair? The masked teens were looking for loot but got an earful instead when Mike let loose with a verbal tongue-lashing that would have made a sailor blush. Turns out, Healy has other talents as well. He’s written a book and is looking for a publisher. The topic? Let’s just say it’s a crime novel.

HIGH ABOVE Montclair in humble surroundings, the Town Crier sorts through submissions. All the news that’s fit to print — and then some — goes into this weekly column.
But enough about me. Let’s talk about you. In the past week, you’ve sent me stories about everything from birds in the barbecue to thugs on the tennis court. Grab your cup of coffee and read on.
ON THE BALL: There was no love on the tennis court last week, when retired hills resident Mike Healy and a friend were held up by teenage thugs during a mid-afternoon game. “We were playing on the lower Montclair tennis court (near the old fire station) when I heard the gate open,” he recalls.
Four youths burst in, wearing bandana masks with one of them waving a knife in the air, screaming “We want your money!” What happened next is something police warn against, but Healy did it anyway. He let loose with an obscenity laden tirade that sent the youths high-tailing it out of there. “Funny thing was, I was just mad that they were invading our tennis court,” Healy says. I can sympathize. I know how hard it is to get a court in Montclair.

E-MAIL BAG: Speaking of crime, readers are reacting to the vandalism of Montclair’s village clock. “It kind of felt like someone punched me in the stomach,” Don Mackey said when he read the news. “I know there is nothing that you can do about this per se, but as the Town Crier I thought I would let you know that some times, more recently lately, I think life on the “other side” of the tunnel would suit me fine,” he says. “I can always come visit — during the day of course.”

PERILOUS PATH: At least two readers have lost their footing recently on a dangerously uneven square of sidewalk in front of Blockbuster Video. A Blockbuster employee told me they don’t want to see anyone get hurt, but the sidewalk is not their responsibility. That may not be true. Richard Cowan, Councilmember Jean Quan’s chief of staff, says: “It’s the business owner’s responsibility, although most owners don’t know this.”
The exception would be if a city-owned tree (this may be the case outside Blockbuster) or an underground utility line damaged the sidewalk. He’s asked Liz Shelton, the city’s sidewalk repair person, to investigate.

DAZZLING DANCE: Ronn Guidi does it again, with three enchanting weekend performances of “Hansel and Gretel,” the ballet. Yes, I said the ballet — because Guidi was the founder and director of the Oakland Ballet and is known for his brilliant work with talented young dancers. Holy Names College hosts this weekend’s shows with two performances at 1 p.m. and 5 p.m. Saturday and a 5 p.m. show on Sunday. Tickets are $18.

LIL’ PEEPERS: Getting your barbecue ready for summer? You may want to open the lid slowly. Hills resident Rick Stuart found a nest of six baby birds in his gas grill the other day. Mother bird must have flown in through the open vent, seeking solitude in the strange metal contraption. Once hatched, the little guys didn’t stick around long. They flew the “que” last weekend when Rick opened the lid. Guess they didn’t want to stay for dinner.

SPEAKING OF PEEPING: With eyes wide open, I’ve see some strange sights in the past few days; A mallard waddling through the Safeway parking lot. Deer running between the soccer goals at Shepherd Canyon Park. An outdoor toilet hooked to a power pole — and a woman pushing her poodle in a baby stroller. Just another day in the Oakland hills.

THE GREAT THING about writing this column is the people I meet.
Ordinary folks with extraordinary tales and accomplishments.
Take Howard Wheatley Allen, for example. Ringing his Glenview doorbell last week, I wasn’t sure what to expect. His wife had suggested I meet this man, whose sculptures have graced the homes of many world leaders.
But what struck me when we started talking, was his gentle unassuming nature. His bronze birds are treasured by everyone from presidents to princesses — yet his “gallery” is in his basement. And he’s pleasantly surprised when he gets an order for his work.
“I’ll go six months or a year and not much happens,” he says modestly, “then the White House calls, and I think it’s my brother playing a joke.”
In fact, the White House has called several times in Wheatley’s career, and the birds have been ordered by Presidents Clinton, Bush, Reagan and Carter. But his very first customer was another famous American, with a different claim to fame.
“When I was 9, I was sitting on a pier at Lake Tahoe carving a bird out of wood,” he says. “Trader Vic asked me what I would charge to make him a quail. I said $10 — and he said make it $20.”
That “big sale” was all it took to whet Wheatley’s whistle for bird sculpting. But it wasn’t until 1971 when his next big break came. When Gov. Ronald Reagan read an article on Wheatley in the Sacramento Bee and had his assistant order two quail sculptures — as gifts for the prime minister and the Emperor of Japan.
Years later, President Reagan remembered every detail of those transactions, obviously enamored with Wheatley’s work. But it was Reagan’s counterpart who said something at Stanford that Wheatley will never forget.
After presenting Mikhail Gorbachev with a sculpture of a snow goose in flight, the Soviet President referred to the bird as “a living link” between the United States and Russia. “Snow geese migrate from Russia to the United States,” Wheatley said, “and Gorbachev caught the poetry. His eyes twinkled.”
Maybe that’s Wheatley’s secret, too. Still sculpting at the age of 64 despite a 16-year battle with Parkinson’s disease, he keeps a twinkle in his eyes.
“God gives us what he thinks we can bear,” he says. I just wish he didn’t have such a high opinion of me.”
For more information on Wheatley’s work and his new book, log onto www.wheatleyallen.com

SMOLDERING CONTROVERSY: Not everyone is happy about Oakland’s municipal code on outdoor smoking. It prohibits “lighting up” within 25 feet of the entry of windows to any public building. Rocky Becker says 25 feet means he’d have to stand in the street to smoke in front of his workplace, Montclair Barbers. Sounds like a whole ‘nother health hazard to me.

E-MAIL BAG: Regarding my April 22 column on four local boys who made Eagle Scouts, reader Lisa Hines writes: “There are two more Eagle scouts from that 2001 Corpus Christi School graduating class: Patrick Hines and Mark Oehler” (That makes six Eagle Scouts from that class.) Patrick made park signs and trail markers for Dimond Canyon as part of his Eagle Scout project. Mark built a message kiosk at the Bridgeview Trailhead of Dimond Canyon. Congratulations guys!

‘DYNAMITE’ NIGHT: Hollywood in Moraga? The Rheem Theatre was packed to the rafters the other night with fans of the teeny bopper cult classic “Napoleon Dynamite.” The low-budget, independent film that has grossed millions had two showings at the Rheem, followed by a live Q and A with the stars that played Kip and Pedro. The evening was part of an ongoing film series organized by five marketing students Saint Mary’s College.

WHO IS this El Nino, and why is he messing with our weather? I haven’t seen a wet May like this since I lived in Minnesota, where spring showers were as common as ants at a picnic. All I can say is, the “big guy” upstairs has a great sense of humor. High above the clouds, he must get a kick out of sunshine one minute and rain the next.
I’m also thinking God is an environmentalist, and the members of Montclair Presbyterian Church would probably agree. Known for their social activism and earth-friendly agenda, the parishioners picked a Sunday, recently, to honor hybrids — cars that sip gas and barely pollute. The church’s Richard Larsen says they parked 16 hybrids at Thornhill School, including three Hondas and 13 Priuses.
“Our pastor, Karen Stokes, indicated during her sermon in late 2000 that she and her husband had bought a hybrid,” he says, “and parishioners were encouraged to look at the technology themselves.
As a Prius driver, I applaud your efforts and hope more folks follow your lead. We are stewards of the earth, and driving a hybrid is one way to make a difference. And if it gets you points with the “man upstairs,” that’s even better.

BAD GIRLS: Hundreds of women packed the Claremont Resort’s Empire Ballroom the other night to hear East Bay writer Cameron Tuttle. She’s the author of the “Bad Girl’s Guides,” which urge women to lighten up, to laugh, and to explore their inner passions. Cameron says too many women take on the burdens of family, friends and community, never giving themselves permission to have fun. It’s the Desperate Housewife syndrome and Tuttle saw it in her own family growing up, of all places, in Orinda’s Happy Valley. Look for a sitcom based on her books, coming out this month on the UPN network.

TAP TALK: What’s all the hub-bub about the new pub on Broadway? Apparently the old Hofbrau has been reincarnated into Luka’s Tap Room, and boasts not only beer but “the funkiest jukebox in all of Oakland with a tall stack of funky, funky, 45s for your listening pleasure. There’s plenty of room to groove, too, with a 1,200 square-foot dance space — and deejay — in the lounge. And remember the big neon hofbrau sign that graced that location for years? It’s been donated to the Museum of Neon Art in Los Angeles.

RIVER RAFTING: Heavy rains mean swollen rivers and that’s good news for hills couple Dick and Suzie Linford. They co-own Echo River Trips, one of the oldest river running companies in the west. One of their favorite rivers is the Tuolumne, which is running high and fast right now with over 40 rapids including the hair-raising Clavey Falls. It’s not Niagra in a barrel, but it’s a trip you’ll never forget. For more information, the web site is echotrips.com.

REAL SURREAL: It was like stepping into a Quentin Tarantino movie when I walked into Kingman’s Lucky Lounge the other night. Friends had been talking about the Grand Avenue bar and I soon found out why. Zagat rated for its nightlife, this is the perfect place for a cocktail and conversation. Fun and eclectic, deejays spin their own brand of background music as you sip $2.50 well drinks. And no, that’s not a typo. But sit there long enough and you’ll be pinching yourself to see if you’re dreaming.

The older I get, the younger I am.
Never mind the oils and creams and wrinkle removers. I am reversing the aging process with something much cheaper. Swimming. I’ve discovered the morning Masters Program at The Hills Swim Club. While most folks are rubbing the sleep from their eyes, I’m donning my goggles for a water workout at dawn. Back and forth along the lap lanes, the pool becomes an aqua blue chop — the spray catching rays from the early morning light.
My body feels supple, my skin feels alive — I am suddenly immortal as my muscles gets sculpted before my very eyes. The winter flab melts into spring.
Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, I can move on to another hills favorite — hiking. Besides the obvious advantage of staying dry, hiking opens your eyes to the world around you, like birds, butterflies and slimy things growing on stumps.
What I didn’t realize was how many hiking trails we have in the area. The East Bay Regional Parks paths are one thing, but there’s a whole different set of trails in the watershed — run by the East Bay Municipal Utility District. For just $10 a year, you have access to some of the most stunning scenery around. The utility district owns over 27,000 acres of land in the East Bay, much with lush meadows and small, sparkling lakes (reservoirs).
My favorite, so far, is Kings Canyon — at the Valle Vista Staging Area off Pinehurst Road, just before Moraga. To hike this and other pristine watershed trails, call EBMUD for a permit at 510-287-0469.

E-MAIL BAG: A new book will be hitting the market this fall, and it’s guaranteed to get your interest. It’s a community yellow page guide called The Village Book, which will feature businesses in the Montclair/Piedmont and Rockridge areas.
Publisher Cathy Lonsdale says that by urging people to shop locally, merchants will be able to continue their support of local sports teams, service organizations and schools. That’s what it takes in a village — one hand washing the other.

THE BIRDS: It has all the makings of a Hitchcock thriller. Birds are ruling the roost at the mega Longs Drugs in the Rockridge Shopping Center. Attracted by the plethora of plants both outside and in, birds are nesting in the rafters above the gardening aisles. It’s impossible to keep them out, with the constant parade of customers opening the doors. And these birds aren’t “bird brains” by any means. They’ve figured out just how to help themselves to the round-the-clock buffet of feed and seed.

HUMAN PLEASURES: Speaking of buffets, it’s time for my annual fix of feta and olives at the Ascension Greek Orthodox Cathedral. The popular Greek Festival is next weekend, May 13-15, and besides the yummy gyros and great grilled lamb, there’s a new dish that I can’t pronounce. Saganaki with Kefalograviera cheese set aflame with brandy. Try saying that five times fast.
Better yet, try eating it under the stars as you take in the intoxicating music and dancing and all that is Greek — just minutes from your Oakland neighborhood. If I never get to this ancient land, I will at least feel satisfied that I’ve been there in my mind.
Got news? You can reach Ginny Prior by phone at 510-273-9418 or by e-mail at ginnyprior@yahoo.com.