MONTCLARION: January 1, 2010

WELL, IT WAS bound to happen. After years of writing this column, I’ve got nothing to say. No salacious gossip, no new ideas. The well is dry, and the bucket is missing. Don’t think the irony escapes me. It’s New Year’s Day, and I’ve got nada.

I suppose I could write about crime, again. Smash-and-grab thieves have been wreaking havoc in the hills. One crook even took a bunch of reusable shopping bags from the back of a reader’s car.

Why would someone break into a vehicle to steal eco-friendly bags you can buy on the cheap? Maybe he’ll be dubbed the green thief.

But really, these crime stories have been done to death. Even the story I heard the other day doesn’t surprise me.

A reader told me he followed two men in his car, after seeing them case his neighbor’s home. Still in his sights, he tried several times to call 9-1-1, only to have the calls drop off. Reception stinks in the hills, so he finally went home to call the cops, but — as far as he knows — they never responded.

I suppose I could write about a clever Web site I discovered the other day — a site that sells reusable snack ware and green school supplies.

“Can we save our planet during lunchtime?” asks the Oakland mom who came up with the idea for www.onesmallstep.com. It’s certainly food for thought, and I like the colorful lunch bags and utensils and travel mugs. Renata Bodon even sells a stapler that doesn’t use staples.

And now that I think about it — the artwork in the Montclair mini-mall is worth a mention.

The students in Ruth Teitelbaum’s art class at Montclair Elementary School have loaned out their masterpieces so that we don’t have to look at the empty storefronts left by Movie Express, Score and Argento on La Salle.

I could give Monaghan’s sports bar another plug. It’s already gotten a ton of publicity since its grand opening last week, but I do love the fact that the owner is a fourth-generation San Franciscan who grew up in the bar business.

Dave Newell told me he learned to walk holding onto the speed rail where the well liquor is kept. And he napped in a Cutty Shark crate while his aunt made egg salad for sandwiches. I can just picture the little guy nestled all snug in the whisky box.

I suppose I could mention some other tidbits I got at Monaghan’s that night. Veteran sports writer Art Spander told me he’d been to the Super Bowl at least 30 times and his wife, Liz, had been to 15. I’m still hoping to go once — to see the Vikings and Brett Favre.

And I’m still chuckling about the story Carole Chung told me, about how she’d been rejected by Twitter. The social networking site said her address is invalid because she lives on Twitter Court.

There are only two homes on the hills street, which her husband put in when they built their house. Carole picked Twitter Court for the large number of birds that grace the area, never knowing it would come back to bite her.

Well, I guess there was more to write about than I thought. Maybe there’s hope for the New Year after all. I remain, your faithful Town Crier.