MONTCLARION: June 8, 2012

It’s swimsuit season, and I’m in a panic. My body clearly thinks it’s still winter, and is storing up fat like a squirrel stocking nuts. Add to this the fact that my health club, the Hills, has just opened a new saline swimming pool. Suddenly, all the beautiful people are flocking to be seen on the decks by the jewel-bedecked waters. Their bodies are bronzed and their clothing divine, and they’ve clearly raised the bar for what suffices as swimwear in the hills. All I can do is pray for rain until I emerge from my long hibernation.

Rocky road: A stretch of road dubbed “Little Beirut” is finally on its way to being fixed. It’s the pitted and pockmarked portion of Mountain Boulevard between Ascot and the onramp to northbound Highway 13. Oakland Councilwoman Libby Schaaf says the utility undergrounding will begin at the end of June and repaving should be done by Aug. 3.

Around town: Montclair Pharmacy has closed but its partner shop, Book Tree, continues to operate under a deal made with employee David Hartsough. The avid reader who’s been in the book business for more than a decade (including stints at Cody’s and more than four years at the Book Tree) says he plans to expand into the former drugstore this summer.

Silver screen: Roll the credits. If you donate $500 or more to the upcoming Jack London documentary your name will appear in the film credits. Oakland filmmaker Chris Million (what a great name)is looking for investors for the documentary, “Jack London: 20th Century Man.” If you’d like more information and a clip of the film, go to http://jacklondonfilm.com/.

Email bag: Here’s a whodunit for you: Who put up cryptic messages all over Montclair that read “Vac is wack”? Reader Marylinda Smith says the sentence is scripted on paper plates nailed to telephone polls. Now I know Wack n Vac is a vacuum attachment (as seen on TV) but this message clearly has a much deeper meaning. Please, someone, help us understand.

Animal tales: It’s like speed dating for pets. Oakland Animal Services holds its annual adopt-a-thon this Saturday and Sunday. It’s your chance to pick up a FREE pet and earn up to $2,000 — per adoption — for the shelter from Maddie’s Fund. Remember, a good mouser will take care of your roof rats and a dog is your walking companion. Isn’t it time you made a new furry friend? For more details go to www.oaklandanimalservices.org.