IT’S MID-MORNING and I’ve just finished my rounds. You see, the Town Crier has taken to patrolling the neighborhood, looking for trouble. Oh, it hasn’t found me yet but if and when it does, I’m ready. Continue reading →

WANTED: AVID weather watchers to be part of a study on how television effects brain patterns. Must agree to have electrodes hooked up to head and face while watching The Weather Channel.

If this sounds like an odd job — you’re right. It’s one of the many ways middle-aged mothers can bring home the bacon.

What’s wrong with mixing a little fun with your mid-life crisis? I sip my morning coffee scanning Craigslist for gems like this: Cat lovers needed to test kitty litter. Must have own felines. $100 for your opinion and that of your cats. Continue reading →

COMFORT FOOD and couples counseling. It sounds like the recipe for a good marriage. But it’s also the secret to success for one of Montclair’s longest operating restaurants — Italian Colors. Continue reading →

THE DOG DAYS of summer have given way to fall as folks frantically fit in those last lazy barbecues. But it’s the neighbors on Ocean View who get the sweetest treat of all — free ice cream for their block party. Dana Young entered the Dreyer’s Slow Churned Neighborhood Salute with a poem about enjoying the ice cream as a child. Her submission was picked and she won an ice cream party for 100. Now you know the scoop!

KUDOS ABOUND: It’s an overused adage, but it really does “It takes a Village.” Few people realize how many folks put long, unpaid hours into making this past weekend’s Montclair Village Jazz and Wine Festival a success.

That we could pull off such a great event with volunteers when others (like the city’s Art & Soul event a couple of weekends ago) pay big bucks to do so is quite an accomplishment, according to the MVA’s Roger Vickery.

He gives most of the credit to coordinator Jacque Hachquet.

“She loves the challenge, loves our Village, and feels this is her way of making a contribution to the community,” Vickery said.

Even Jacque’s sister-in-law, Denise, flew in from Reno to help, along with local volunteers Leslie Masler (sponsorships), Peter Anastos and Ron Rifkin (music) and Linda and Helen Wyman (Oakland Events). And thanks, too, to the Guardian Angels for their comforting presence and crowd control.

DONATION CALL: Speaking of the Guardian Angels, chapter leader Cristina Fernandez (whose husband is off fighting the war in Iraq) is asking folks to make a donation to the Angels to pay for supplies, sleeping bags, uniforms and other items. She says they’re working with the Oakland Police Department to make our city safer and have no other source of funding. If you’d like to make a contribution, call 510-459-9566.

ABOUT TOWN: A few weeks ago, I wrote about the challenges Nafisa McGlynn had in opening her Montclair baby boutique “A Little Piece of Heaven.” Mold and termites — even computer bugs caused costly delays. Now she’s facing even bigger challenges, as her father fights for his life in the wake of a stroke and brain surgery.

“I can’t manage the store right now,” she said, tearfully. “It’s not that I don’t care about Montclair or my business — my fall line is in but I need to be with my dad.”

McGlynn is hoping to reopen soon and asks readers to pray for her family.

ART ALERT: Oakland gets a new bike shop next month with the opening of Grand Velo at 576 Grand Ave. But before the owners kick their business into high gear, they’re donating the shop’s 1,500 square feet to a major exhibition, featuring the works of 20 emerging artists who live and work locally. It’s part of the Oakland Art Murmur and runs through Saturday.

EARLY THANKSGIVING: Don’t get any ideas, but a rather plump turkey has taken up residence on La Salle Avenue near the Piedmont/Oakland border.

As large as a small child, the curious bird spends its days waddling up and down the street near the baseball diamond. A concerned neighbor has put out a cone to warn motorists about the great gobbler, but that may not be enough. I’m pushing for a sign that says “Big Bird Crossing.”

WHO KNEW a photo could cause such a clamor? Since the Town Crier’s new picture appeared in the paper a few weeks ago, critics have been weighing in.

“It looks like you’re in a neck collar,” says one reader, who admits she had an entire discussion about it with her husband over breakfast. “Were you coming off a triple Venti?” asks another reader, who says I look “wired.” And finally, an impassioned plea from a fan who said she couldn’t bear to see me in “such pain.”

Well, I’ve got a confession to make. It’s not really me in that photo. I simply can’t risk running my own picture in the paper, considering my immense popularity. Would Betty Crocker have run her own photo on the corn muffin box? Would Dear Abby have allowed her own face on advice columns worldwide? Of course not. Suffice to say, if it were my photo, I’d look just like Ingrid Bergman. A very young Ingrid Bergman.

Enjoy the new photo. And please — no more letters.

CRIME WATCH: If they’re not stealing them, they’re smashing them. Oakland continues to be a hot spot for thieves and vandals who target cars parked on the streets. Neighbors on Bruns Court are the latest victims of a spate of destruction that occurred when vandals broke six car windshields last month. But smashing the glass apparently wasn’t enough. The thugs also jumped on the hoods, leaving deep dents as they kicked in the windshields.

MOM’S MEMORIAL: Many of you knew Montclair mom Denise Delee, who passed away July 6. Reader Dale Marie Golden says a memorial service will be held at 1 p.m. on Sept. 14 at Chapel of the Chimes on Piedmont Avenue and that a fund has been set up for Denise’s two girls.”Both girls went to Montclair Elementary, Montera and Bishop O’Dowd,” writes Golden. Denise had just turned 50 the week before she died. Donations can be sent to Alta Alliance Bank c/o Dale Marie Golden, 1337 Grand Ave. , Oakland , CA 94610.

COFFEE BREAK: To the average person, they’re just guys having coffee. But the men who hold court at Royal Ground each weekday morning are heavy hitters — even in retirement. There’s former criminal defense lawyer Lincoln Mintz, retired banker Al Koch, former longtime BART spokesman Mike Healy and six others who hash over the day’s news at their favorite table near the window. It’s a melding of the minds that belongs in a boardroom. But then, they wouldn’t be nearly as successful at solving the world’s problems.

JUST NUTS: From the wilds of Cal’s Lair the Bear Camp comes this tale from reader Joanne Gayton. She says a gray squirrel hitched a ride from the Sierra family camp all the way to her Oakland home, then tried to escape in her kitchen.

“He must have been hiding in the laundry bag,” she says, adding the critter led her dog and the kids on a wild goose chase through the house before finally following a trail of peanut butter-laced French fries out the back door.

WHEN YOU READ this, the Town Crier will be — crying. My daughter will have left for college and I will be moping about, wondering where the last 18 years of my life went.

I’m not alone. Parents across America are finding the nest they’ve fluffed and feathered for years is suddenly empty. Three local moms have just published a book on the subject called “Writin’ on Empty.”

Author Julie Renalds says the book was spawned from the tough times she faced when her own teen left home.

“I really struggled,” she says. “It was a rough year for me.”

Thinking it would help to talk with someone, she ran a notice in The Montclarion advertising a discussion group and got seven calls in three days.

Joan Cehn was one of those callers.

“I called Julie and we ended up talking for hours,” she remembers, saying their group of moms took solace in their meetings in each other’s homes.

Then one day, Julie told Joan she wanted to write a book on the subject. Joan knew just who to ask for help — her longtime neighbor and friend Risa Nye. With three kids already out of the house, Nye knew plenty about empty nests. She was also a seasoned writer — the perfect choice.

Their brainchild is a compilation of stories, both joyful and sorrowful, from moms and dads across the country. It’s an anthology that goes to the very heart of parenting.

For me, the timing couldn’t have been better. I’ll always miss my little girl. But this book has helped me let go.

There will be an authors’ reading and book signing of “Writin’ on Empty” at 7 p.m. on Aug. 27 at A Great Good Place for Books in Montclair Village.

NEIGHBORHOOD PATROLS: Just when you thought our city didn’t care, hills folks are being asked for feedback on fighting crime. From now through Sept. 11, the Montclair Safety and Improvement Council is polling residents on behalf of the Oakland Police Department, asking for input on where to put police patrols. Pockets of crime in the past have included the area in front of Montclair Elementary School, as well as sections of Thornhill, Colton, Mountain and Snake.

Skyline Boulevard has been a priority, too — especially for traffic cops. To see and make comments on the OPD’s patrol priorities, log onto www.montclairsic.org.

SPEAKING OF CRIME: Purse snatchings are nothing new, but a recent crime outside the Montclair Lucky is cause for concern. Neighbors say an 87-year-old woman was loading groceries into her car (in a handicapped space in the parking garage) when a woman emerged from an older model Honda Prelude and grabbed her purse. The suspect got back in the vehicle and the driver sped off. What makes it extra creepy is the fact that the suspects were seen trolling the parking lot before the crime occurred.

TOOTH TALK: What’s one of the biggest pitfalls of going off to college? No, it’s not the “freshman 15” (those dreaded 15 pounds one puts on freshman year), it’s tooth decay!

Montclair dentist Dr. Laurie Shepherd says college kids are coming home with more than just dirty laundry these days. They’re bringing a mouth full of cavities from all the sugary treats and flavored waters they consume. There is a solution. In your next package send rinse, floss and an electric toothbrush.

Editor’s Note: Ginny Prior is on vacation this week. The following is a Town Crier column from Aug. 2003.

I’M FEELING a little strange this week. You might say I’m shell-shocked, after returning from a trip to Montana. Landing at the airport in Oakland on Saturday night, I walked into a mob scene with long lines of people pushing carts of oversized luggage. Overworked and understaffed, the security folks could barely handle the rush of travelers.

The scene at the other end of my trip was almost surreal. Helena, the capitol of Montana, has an airport so sweet — you can walk through security and onto the plane 15 minutes before takeoff. You can leave your unlocked rental car in the parking lot next door with the key under the mat. This is post-Sept. 11, Montana style.

So it’s not surprising that all over the Big Sky State, there are California transplants. Helena is such a hip, artistic community now. There’s even a California flag flying next to the Montana flag in one shopping district. And Helena’s baseball stadium has our old bleacher seats, brought over from the Oakland Coliseum after it was remodeled.

At the 320 Guest Ranch outside Yellowstone National Park, Fred Kiemel likes to tell the story of how he moved to Montana.

“I was on the Hollywood Freeway, Friday afternoon, six lanes of traffic — bumper to bumper and about 94 degrees, when Willie Nelson came on the radio with the song ‘My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys.'” That was all it took. Fred says he sold everything and bought a place on the Gallatin River.The Gallatin is where Robert Redford filmed “A River Runs Through It.” It’s a gorgeous river that runs so clear, you can see the trout skimming the surface, looking for hoppers.

Fly fishing is a religion here, and it takes just one try to see why. Standing in waders in a rush of tumbling mountain water is a powerful lure. So is shooting the rapids in a raft or kayak, or a good old fashioned inner tube. At 320 Ranch, we even rode horses along the rugged riverbank, much the way wranglers did over a century ago.

It was the promise of adventure that brought me to Montana State University for college some 30 years ago. I formed a band that played at a supper club outside Bozeman, where famed broadcaster Chet Huntley liked to dance with his wife, Tippy.

The couple opened Big Sky Resort in 1974, and we were invited to stay and play. Chet died not long after that, but his dream of a world class retreat outside Yellowstone National Park lives on.

With 400 inches of annual snowfall and 80 miles of runs, Big Sky’s skiing and snow-boarding are legendary. But this resort holds its own in the summertime, too, with hiking and mountain biking and horseback riding and rafting. Arnold Palmer designed the golf course here, and I played every inch of it as I tacked like a sailboat back and forth across the fairway. But that’s a story for another column.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Montana’s a great place to visit, but you’d be bored to tears living here. Not enough excitement. Not enough culture.

Well, Montana’s changing. The whole state may have fewer people than San Francisco, but there’s no shortage of things to do. And the only airport stress is deciding whether to have free beer or wine on your Horizon airline flight over the those big, blue skies.